THE TRUE  STORY BEHIND

Is it acceptable to live a life with multi-facet personalities?

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I have asked myself million times whether I am normal and perfectly fine, or it is an actual disorder that I am facing right now. I have a fear of revealing my own self, which is to my great knowledge, it can indirectly undermine a lack of self-confidence. However, I call it a switch that I automatically tune into whenever circumstances change. And slowly and steadily, I find myself with many more angles than I used to see.

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Things started to be exposed under light when I changed my work and life environment. Moving to a new country which is way further than I originally resided was a huge challenge that I decided to take on. Running away from a toxic situationship or taking a true revolutionary step, it was ambiguous for me to determine, yet these were true momentums behind the risk-taking action I carried out. I made up my mind that I used my nickname which is easier for people to call me to launch my new beginning here.

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 I started off with a low-paid labour job that looking back, I could see how brave I was. Being harassed by the boss, I was firm but was hesitant in losing this job. At the end of the day, we all need money to pay our bills and survive. Plus, who can let their family provide for them when they are already in their 30s? I have a couple of friends that are still relying on their parents’ assets and financial support and living upon those. However, growing up from an average-income family and going through a financial hardship from the very early age has taught me to try to stand on my feet and provide for my family if I can. I do not remember how many interviews and trials I have been to, but each gave me a different perspective and quite bitterly spoken, I failed many times. I gradually noticed that a brilliant resume or a nice face or voice was not enough in getting a good job. After some time, I was recruited as a junior assistant for an Australian employer who is nice and understanding. He did not put pressure on me, indeed, insisted on giving me more time to learn and improve. After the probation, my wage was increased but to compensate with all problems incurred including travel expenses and time-consuming for commuting, I had to resign and applied another place. The following job was also an under-paid position that I accepted due to financial need and the convenience it gave me in terms of location and accessibility. Considering the physical strength and the flexibility requested since I was doing two jobs for that position, I discovered the ability to endure and maintain performance that back home, I hardly could display. If working two jobs means a workaholic, I should probably call myself one. I took another one-day-a-week job at a suburb where rich people usually live as a way of gaining more income and experience to work with a British boss. The initial stage of my journey here was quite pleasing since he was always short-staffed, and I happened to be willing to do more than how my position description stated. Nevertheless, once he started having more junior staffs that absolutely, he could pay them less, I became a thorn in his eyes. After a day full of emotional distress coming from my family and being blamed by him for another staff’s mistake, I decided to quit. From that point, I realized my worth and wouldn’t bow down to absurd accusation. Fortunately, I received an offer from a professional association that was just a dream job for any foreigner like me. Higher pay, highly respected position, what else can we expect? I decided to use my real name as a bold statement of my own worth and value.

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If only two names were mentioned as a mean of revealing two “me”, I wouldn’t have the resources to write up this story. Since I was a little girl, I have always had a deep interest in music, singing and dancing. Thereby, I wanted to tick off from my to-do list as further going ahead with my hobbies. I signed up for a dance class and surprisingly won an audition to perform on stage. I also made friends with a music producer, and we made a song together. What a wonderful opportunity and I couldn’t be happier hearing my voice recorded for that song. But, the fear of revealing myself has pushed me to use another name, which I called it the artist version of me. And of course, I kept it simple as just telling people about that artistic side of me.

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Subsequently to these events, I acknowledged that there was another “me” who is capable of showing empathy and problem-solving, thus, has been really helpful for lots of friends and colleagues. This has opened up a new page in my life, in which, using the creative side of me, I could counsel and motivate people to overcome their own obstacles. However, once again, the reluctance in exposing myself has led me to use another name, which I called it a therapist version of me.

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Question is, do these “me” versions get along and how do I cope with the switch that operates depending on situations and the vibes I get? Well, I have to say it is uneasy to keep them all in one body and mind, but it is doable. I choose to honour myself instead of trying to merge all in one. Being unique means special and original, be true to your own self.

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Therefore, this blog is created to be a platform for us to clear our blockages and embrace our unique selves.